My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
