I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
