My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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