I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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