Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
