Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
