It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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