he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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