Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
