Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize