does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
