at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
