Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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