either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
