Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
