dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
