there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
