remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
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We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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