I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
