Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
