I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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