My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
