Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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