Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
