My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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