I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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