I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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