I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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