I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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