There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
