I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
