I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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