I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
