Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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