eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
