I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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