Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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