My room smells like vodka and shame
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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