I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
