Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
