i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
