even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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