I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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