Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
