I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
