we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Randomize
