In the future we'll all be gay
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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