just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
