I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
