And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
4 words: hood of his car
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
