I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
