Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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