i permit you to call me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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