so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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