There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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