I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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