I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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