i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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