I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
