and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
