I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
