Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
