wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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