if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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