i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
