she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
