idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
