we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
