does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Girls should come with a carfax report
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
