omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
