hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
