You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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