Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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