While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
